3rd Entry: I feel like shit 24/7 even though I shouldn't :(

Holy fuck, there's so much I want to complain about now that I sat my ass down and think about it

(TW: Suicide, etc etc, depressing shit; probly should include this in the main blogpost later on if I'll even remember that)
- This is more a rant of my mental state, if anything. Usually don't talk about irl stuff because they fill me with absolute dread and hatred for myself so yeah. Previous post I talked about wanting to do a couple things that I would most definitely enjoy, yknow. Can you fucking guess out of that entire list, wtf have I done in the past 2 months? Fucking NONE YAYYYYYYYY!!! Idk what the fuck is wrong with me but I just have so little energy and motivation to do even remotely anything useful in a day. Yesterday I barely had anything to do, yet, I wasted all that time rewatching the same YT videos til nightfall or when I pass out usually after 9pm.
I've been stuck in this cycle for soooooooo long, and I know how to break it, I've done it so many times before. Just simply watching a new show, read a book, learn I get invested and binged all of it. Until the inevitability that I finished it and go back to the same hell I've been in since idk, like high school or smth. I'm unable to get into a habit that proactively benifits my well-being and future.
Oh right, speaking of which, being aware of your age fucking sucks dickhole. I saw a single comment on Reddit to a game and the mere fact that someone mentioned they turned 18 this year makes me wanna kill myself. I feel like a jaded old boomer not showing enough emotions and not being "normal" enough. Meanwhile, I wanna fucking cry every moment I notice smth I like/care about - which is never because I'm the only one in every relationship I've had that likes niche shit online.
Saw a tweeta YTuber made and OMFG I couldn't have said that better myself. I can't comprehend how humans could ignore the idea of comparing to others. Maybe I'm the only cunt that
Note to self: update the about section, start drawing banner/sprites/elements instead of this placeholder decoration; make a post detailing how shitty my routine is everyday, how my mind rambling works, how much I hate myself(appearance-wise, cooking, my interests, behaviors, what I do to ignore my own problems, accomplishments), relationships(that's gonna be real fun), future(I'd love to just get a gun and put it right beside me and definitely not touch it at all), "adulting"(whatever the fuck that means